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How To Finally Move On From Your Ex

by - Friday, September 22, 2017


Nothing can keep you from a happier future than a lingering relationship wound. We’ve all been there: Experiencing good love gone bad is painful. It doesn’t really matter what the circumstances were, or who was right and who was wrong. The bottom line is that it hurts and that the pain is preventing you from moving forward.

I, too was heartbroken. I was so mad at myself for being such a fool and I almost hated the world for being so unfair. I wanted to slap just anybody, and wanted to be alone for a while (thank goodness I have no suicidal tendencies). I was emotionally tortured that time. I was crying while at work. And every time I hear the sound of some familiar love songs I can't help but cry my heart out. I wanted to move on. I wanted to forget him as soon as I can (if only it can happen the next morning when I wake up) but I couldn't. Everywhere I looked, I saw him...there's just too many memories and I thought I would go crazy trying to avoid them. That's when I've realized that it's not enough to just want to move on...I have to do something about it and fortunately I was successful! Let me share with you the things I did and I'm pretty sure it will help you too.

While time is the best healer, there are concrete steps you can take that will facilitate the process.



CUT OFF CONTACT

Our ex might still want to contact you even after breakup. If this happens, it will certainly make it harder for you to forget him. Be respectful but mindful of your needs. You can change your number (or block his), and delete his number from your contact list. If you memorized his number, you will really have to discipline yourself and do your best not to contact him.

Try to memorize other important phone numbers. Keep busy so you won't even have time to think of contacting him. In time, you'll be surprised that you don't remember his phone number anymore.

Unfollow him or block him on all your social media accounts, and delete all your old messages and emails so you don’t spend any time going through them. Make a new email address to make it even more effective. The urge to contact him will wane little by little until you don’t remember him at all.



MAKE PEACE WITH THE PAST

Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone else off the hook for his or her bad behavior; it is about your emotional freedom.

Learning to forgive and make peace with things that happened in the past can happen more easily when you take your focus off of the specific events that occurred and instead try to see the perspective of the people involved. Most people don’t act with the intention of directly hurting someone else; generally, they make choices intending to make themselves feel better. For better or worse, it is in our nature as human beings to operate from our own self-beneficial perspective and the impact of our actions on others is often a secondary consideration. It doesn’t make it right, but sometimes seeing someone else’s perspective can help you understand the events that unfolded better and make them less personal. It can also be easier to forgive someone when you see them as a whole person. If you find yourself stewing in anger over something that someone else did or didn’t do, try to pull back and remember the good qualities you saw in them when you first met, and recognize that we all have flaws and we all make mistakes.



MAKE LIFESTYLE CHANGES

Make a list of all the things you want to do with your life. What are the things that you could never do together? Did he hate boating because he got seasick? Go on a cruise. Did he always roll his eyes when you wanted to go dancing? Take a dance class!

Clean your room and throw away all the things that you associate with your ex like photo albums, gifts he gave you, old rotten flowers he gave you that you're still keeping as souvenirs, letters and birthday cards. If you have posters or pictures drawn on the wall with him, repaint your walls and redecorate your bedroom.

These are not easy things to do. But you have to move on, and removing these things as a memento of your previous relationship will help you forget him faster and for good. Challenge yourself to be strong and you'll be surprised at how easy and how fulfilling it can be if you're successful.



SEE THE GOOD IN YOURSELF

Nothing is impossible if you are determined to really move on, but you have to help yourself. Make a list of all the bad qualities of your ex, the things you couldn’t stand about him or her. List all the reasons why you shouldn't get back together.

Then enumerate all of your good qualities, those qualities that make you special and worth a second shot in love. Make a list of your 100 best qualities. Don’t stop until you reach 100! Having these things written down will help you convince yourself that you’ve made the right decision.



LOVE AGAIN

This is the ultimate way to get over your ex. Even though your past relationship didn't work, it shouldn't stop you from loving again. Try not to close your heart to a new possibility of a love that is better, bolder, and greater than the previous one. Smile and be hopeful. There is someone who is right for you, someone who will be thankful to have you, someone who will treasure and respect you more than anyone else.

You will find a new love that will make you grow more mature and inspired in your everyday life. And who knows, the next person could even be the one you decide to spend the rest of your life with.



Love is never wrong. When someone comes into your life who allows you the opportunity to experience love, that is always a true gift. Part of maturity, however, is recognizing that love by itself isn’t always enough to make a relationship work. Many other factors and circumstances, such as timing, incompatible values, or the choices we make, play a significant role in whether a relationship can thrive. But moving on from a relationship that isn’t working isn’t always about ending the love you feel. Sometimes the only way to let go is to love someone enough to want the best for him or her even if that means not being together.

Be thankful and learn from your past and use that to become a better and more lovable person. Realize that there are different kinds of people that we are meant to meet in life. Some of them are just passing by to give us lessons, some will make us stronger, some are meant to show us what real world is like and there are some who will stay with us forever.

Love yourself more and you'll see that new love is coming along soon enough. 

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2 comments

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